Saturday, November 9, 2013

Seen Not Heard

This is how I feel with men, and it's really harshing my mellow.  It keeps coming up over and over again, and it's terribly disheartening.

I put a lot of thought into my online dating profiles, and I got a certain response to them.  But over a year ago, I started a  profile but I never finished it, and it was blank.  No info.  No words.  No deets.  And at some point I got 1 random message from there, and I logged into it and updated my photo.   The same photo I had on my other profiles.

And all of a sudden I received a deluge of interesting men looking to see if I'd pick up what they were putting down.  And I realized why-  Because in the blank profile I could be seen without being heard.

I'm an intelligent thoughtful woman, and this is, at its core, somehow- DISTASTEFUL to many men.  Two separate profiles, two separate essays, both showing who I am, receiving far less attention than my blank, 1 photo profile.

And this is such a problem for me, because I have decided to honorably speak up in all of my relationships.  This means owning my truth and communicating it without hostility, fear, or any bullshit-  just owning it and stating it.

And more than one man has run from this.  Men do not seem to like knowing what I think or how I feel.  And everything inside of me screams that is fucked up- those men are fucked up. 

And I get it if I'm being distasteful- passive aggressive, or some other thing.  But I'm not.  I'm being kind, clear, and assertive.  I'm showing vulnerability and truth- and it's not good enough.  And I will never have someone close to me, in my emotional sphere- who can't or won't listen to me- ever again.


  1. awe, doesn't seem very just, does it? seems like your truthful, real self should be attracting The Awesome. luckily, it's probably shielding you from some of the real assholes out there. and the real reward for being your truthful, real self is: you get to be you :D the folks on the dating sites have their own shit to work out, in their own time.

    1. You are wise. Thank you!! I hope truthful real me attracts someone awesome but if not, I'll go solo with integrity. 3 years of solo now- I can totally do it.