This is how I feel with men, and it's really harshing my mellow. It keeps coming up over and over again, and it's terribly disheartening.
I put a lot of thought into my online dating profiles, and I got a certain response to them. But over a year ago, I started a profile but I never finished it, and it was blank. No info. No words. No deets. And at some point I got 1 random message from there, and I logged into it and updated my photo. The same photo I had on my other profiles.
And all of a sudden I received a deluge of interesting men looking to see if I'd pick up what they were putting down. And I realized why- Because in the blank profile I could be seen without being heard.
I'm an intelligent thoughtful woman, and this is, at its core, somehow- DISTASTEFUL to many men. Two separate profiles, two separate essays, both showing who I am, receiving far less attention than my blank, 1 photo profile.
And this is such a problem for me, because I have decided to honorably speak up in all of my relationships. This means owning my truth and communicating it without hostility, fear, or any bullshit- just owning it and stating it.
And more than one man has run from this. Men do not seem to like knowing what I think or how I feel. And everything inside of me screams that is fucked up- those men are fucked up.
And I get it if I'm being distasteful- passive aggressive, or some other thing. But I'm not. I'm being kind, clear, and assertive. I'm showing vulnerability and truth- and it's not good enough. And I will never have someone close to me, in my emotional sphere- who can't or won't listen to me- ever again.