The time has come to unfuck my life. It's like realizing that I'm made of star stuff- all the neato stuff of space that I love to think about, is not just Out There, but In Here. Well, so is the stuff of surviving childhood abuse, then long years of marital abuse. The abuse is not just out there, happening to me. It's in here, it's a part of me- and I want it out. I want to love and parent and grow without this impenetrable black hole sabotaging my relationships.
I'm blogging daily this month as part of NaBloPoMo. I've got a lot of ground to cover this month. I want to follow the thoughts around my brain that I think, and try to understand them for what they are. I want to finally locate a therapist who will take my insurance, and begin again down that path. I want to turn over new leafs, look under old woundy stones, and see what's crawling around in the bleakness under them. I want to heal and grow and move forward- and emerge with some clarity and a record of all of this to refer back to.